So You Think I'm Weird?

Everyone I know thinks I'm the weirdest person they know. In Austin, that's saying a lot. "You don't let anyone in your house." "You don't have a blackberry." "You don't ever drink." "You work all the time." "You won't let people hug you." "You like the Moody Blues." "You don't think divorced women should use their wedding china." "You go on vacations by yourself." "You're a lawyer." "You're Baptist."

But consider some other weirdoes, like the ones I found out about tonight.

1. Mel Kiper. ESPN NFL Draft analyst and Chris Reeder look-alike (see photo above), this guy has never, in his entire life, signed a personal check, and he eats pumpkin pie for breakfast every morning. These days I guess you can avoid writing checks by paying bills on line, or even wire transferring larger sums. But before the internet, how did this guy pay his house note? Did he load up a wheelbarrow with twenties and roll down to the local bank? Maybe send 25 sacks of pecans and some Jack in the Box coupons instead? And on the pumpkin pie, dude, its an "apple" a day, not a pumpkin, much less pumpkin pie. Augustus Gloop thinks that's messed up.

2. At Gregory Gym tonight, on the UT campus, I went into the powerlifting room at the weight training area to do some stretching, and what sight should I behold but a 5' 2", 180 lb. apparently Samoan woman of about 19 or 20 who had taken off her shorts, and in her blue bikini panties (I think they had a nice yellow flower design on them but my eyes began to sting before I could tell for sure) was struggling with a friend's help to put on one of those body supporting rubber suits. This woman apparently had no problem with stripping down to her panties right there in front of everyone in the gym. That's just wrong. Somewhere, writhing in ecstasy, Kimberly's old roommate Lottie remains unimpressed, however. (I know there's only about 10 people in the world who would get that joke, but trust me its one of the funniest things I've ever said).

3. Later at Whole Foods (shocker), I observed another woman, this time of about 24 or 25, at the book aisle, reading one of the books aloud, to herself. She had on a pink summer dress over a turquoise top, white knee length athletic socks with a pink stripe at the top with the letter "P" in the middle, pink ballet shoes, pink wrist bangles, white fingerless "sock gloves" and a pink purse. While reading aloud, to no one but herself, she was turning back and forth, left and right, side to side, as she read. She was there, reading (aloud) quite awhile; maybe 10 minutes. Words fail me. Normally at story time, you include all the other kindergartners. I should have asked if she was a law student. But I was afraid, very afraid.

So, I may be a weirdo, but at least the sky is still blue in my world. Not like these freaks.

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Yours truly was honored with "Funniest Comment of the Month" on the Z Report Blog: http://blogs.chron.com/fantasyfootball/2009/02/albert_haynesworth_will_be_a_w_1.html#comments

Maybe that's not much, but it sure made me feel like a hundred bucks.


Well, I'm off now to look for pumpkin pie and a book.