Daily Affirmations Goes to Ireland and Scotland

God invented whiskey so the Irish wouldn't rule the world.

--An old Irish proverb

Its that time of year again. Vacation time. I missed it last year, sort of. As some of you may recall, I went on a little mini-break through the South, but didn't take a full fledged vacation to some exotic destination.

This year, having screwed around so long that all the flight prices went out of sight before I could book a trip to France, I've instead opted to visit Ireland and Scotland. Two weeks there should rid all the ill effects of weeks' worth of consecutive 100+ degree days. Maybe I can develop rheumatism and a cough while I'm there too. I leave September 10th (blog reading burglars, hey what's up by the way, make sure to save the date).

In typical fashion, I've done absolutely no planning for this trip. Hopefully I can swing by Book People and pick up some travel guides. Until then, the plan largely involves spending a couple of days each in Dublin, Edinburgh, and Glasgow, and hauling myself over as much of the rest of these countries as I can without creating an international incident or becoming the Ugly American. An Ugly Texan, however, well I can't make any guarantees.

As for activities, I expect to look for leprechauns and pre-historic sea creatures lurking in Scottish lochs, participate in drunken brawls, tell stories about the inherent superiority of Texans and Texas, spend time in pubs learning a bunch of drinking songs with strange lyrics, visit ruined castles, develop a fungal infection in my lungs, wonder where all my money went, and ask people to repeat themselves about eight times before I can understand what anyone is saying. I spent two weeks in New Zealand once and never understood a damn thing anyone was saying. This can only be worse. By the end of the trip, I expect to be talking like Scotty on Star Trek. Or not understanding anyone who doesn't speak accordingly. "I canna' change the laws a physics Cap'n!"

Pretty much I expect the Irish to be like in The Quiet Man. Lots of fighting and drinking, pushing their women around, and singing quiet ballads in between while watching over sheep graze by the creek. Oh, except for whatever that goody-goody tax cheat and womanizer Bono has going on. Basically, I'm hoping to avoid U2. Really, Ireland, in 50 years, you've come up with exactly one good rock band? Please. London came up with about 200 great bands all by itself.

The Scots, on the other hand, I expect to resemble Scotty, and life should pretty much be like the Scottish castle in the original Casino Royale. Deborah Kerr and about 30 hot young babes all living in a castle, looking for a man to serve. I could easily be David Niven in that scenario, but for the kilt and puffy shirt. In fact, that's largely how I see myself in life anyway, so it shouldn't be much of a stretch.

Needless to say, I'm in desperate need of travel advice. I welcome your best advice in the comments, or otherwise. Anything I should definitely see? Anything I should definitely avoid? Need a little help here.

So...looking for a little love here...just sayin'

As per usual, I hope to post every day and upload the ten million or so pictures I anticipate taking each day. So keep checking back for literary brilliance in the form of a travel diary. Oh, and for riveting stories about what I ate for lunch.