The Perfect Way to Dance (Carl Smith, Makeout King of His Fraternity Edition)

You're such a pretty lady
You're such a sweet girl
When you dance it brightens up my world
Come on darling put a pretty dress on
We're gonna go out tonight
And dance, dance, dance
Dance, dance, dance
Dance, dance, dance
All night long
--Steve Miller Band, "Dance, Dance, Dance"

Debuting a new series here at Daily Affirmations, that I hope will catch on better than the other two ongoing series. Let's recall those, shall we? One is the "how to live your life series." This lays out my numerous rules and principles for good living. This never caught on. It turns out, shockingly, that people don't like being told what to do and following a three mile long list of rules. Well, no one could have seen that coming. The second one is a series on good writing. I think there I posted two or three of those. That's still a good concept. The problem is I never read anything. Maybe I should have started a series on late night TV sitcom reruns or great football plays. I did a series praising my favorite movie scenes in various genres. Also a good concept, but the number of embedded videos caused everyone's browser to lock up (hey if you're not using computers with NASA-size internet capacity, that's on you not me). So no one saw that either. Theme-based series therefore haven't fared too well around here.

Instead of learning from past mistakes, however, we're going to keep pushing that rock up the hill with a new series. "The Perfect Way." Basically, when I see examples of the perfect way to do something, I'm going to try to post them here. Not exactly trying to rework the How to Live Your Life series, just identifying examples of perfection.

Our first entry, the Perfect Way to Dance. Anyone who's read even a few posts around here knows a well-lived life requires dancing. You're welcome for that knowledge. Ah, but how to dance? Less important but still something to consider. You got to know how to get down, and, yeah, you don't want to look like an idiot on the dance floor. That's a sure fire way to romantic oblivion.

So courtesy of the 1960s, I present, in the above video, the Perfect Way to Dance. Well, at least for white guys who were the Makeout King of their fraternity, or who are working on their Vietnam War draft deferment. Look behind Petula Clark at the guy in the red jacket. That's how to dance, guys. Though I might leave the red jacket in the closet next time, unless you just got off the night shift at Avis Rent-a-Car. No one NOT named James Dean has any business wearing a red jacket.

I know. Its kind of a mix of dance styles. Equal parts Charlie Brown Christmas Special dancing, Elaine Benes party dancing, and the Famous Flames backing up James Brown at the TAMI Show. But its breathtaking. Just a guy having fun, no doubt because his date is way out of his league and he's on TV so all his frat brothers will get to see him dancing next to Petula Clark. Check out the comments about this guy in the comments section. They're dead on. Note how he's having a great time. He's using his arms AND legs. He's using more dance space than just the spot where he happens to be standing at any given moment. He's even got enough game to lure Petula over to dance with him during the instrumental break. Until the guy's date gives her the "back off bitch" look. In short, this guy dances like no one's watching.

Now, the perfect way NOT to dance is the David Schwimmer-looking character in the baby blue jacket. Sure, ALL the cool guys wear baby blue jackets. But that's not the problem. The problem is the anesthetized, arm-swinging, shuffling off to Buffalo style. I've seen people just out of surgery with more energy. This guy is to dancing what Keanu Reeves is to acting, basically setting it back 1,000 years. Do not emulate this guy's moves.

You may ask, "Chris, how do you know so much about dancing?" Good question. Its the mileage, my friends. Its the mileage....

One last word about Petula Clark. Though not the equal of her main contemporary, Dusty Springfield, she had a nice little run of hits during the late British Invasion. I Know a Place and Sign of the Times were great hits, though Downtown was her most popular. She had a great voice and a surprisingly long career. I like this video too, despite the horrific lip-syncing that prevailed on 1960s television. Petula, and all the cool kids behind her, were having a good time just singin' and dancin'. No elaborate sets, no midriff-baring black leather bodysuits, no 1980s MTV Pat Benatar "Love is a Battlefield" style choreography, no Britney Spears skankitude (that's my new word, thanks), and no crotch grabbing. I guess its Glee, only a little less gay. Far out.

NEXT-Back in New York City.