Vacation 2012: Hiking in the Yosemite

 









I have to make this brief because I'm traveling tomorrow so I'm packing tonight. That means doing laundry, because I hate packing dirty clothes. They give the remaining clothes that next day spilled beer smell. I need to bring a personal staff on the road.

Oh, and its back to the normal, "everything is horrible" style you've come to know and love.

So, let's get on to the never-ending Yosemite hiking saga.

Yesterday I hiked to the North Dome, which provides incredible Valley views as well as views of Half Dome and Clouds Rest. It took around six hours, 45 minutes of which I spend at the top marveling at the absolutely sublime scenery. North Dome, as the name implies, lies on the valley's north side, just across the Merced River from Half Dome. The hike mostly runs through the same kind of forest I've been seeing for nearly a week now, until the woods clear near the Dome. You have to hike another half hour or so once the Dome comes within sight, with the trail leading down another higher granite point to reach the Dome itself. The last part of the trail leading to the Dome is quite steep. I saw an elderly woman returning back up that grade, and she didn't look like she was doing so well. But she was with two other somewhat younger friends; the youngest of whom made it a point to tell me about her getting together with her "girlfriends" from Mammoth Lakes, while she was from Santa Barbara and the altitude was killing her at which point in the story I lost consciousness (at what age do you go from being a "girlfriend" to "Old Lady [insert name here]? Probably the same age at which men stop having a"girlfriend" and start having a "special friend"). And while we're at it, how exactly have I been giving off the "please tell me your life story in slow, vivid detail" vibe? Cause that seems to be happening more and more and it needs to come to a screeching, airbag-deploying halt. Getting back to the original point, its really not possible to convey the enormity of the sights one finds at North Dome. Not even the tons of photos I took really can do it justice.

This hike wasn't quite as bad as the day before, going to Taft Point, which ran nearly straight up for almost three hours. Today's hike had a fairly even number of hills and downhills, until you reach the Dome itself. The top was 7,525 feet in elevation, and the hike started at 6,000 feet. I met a guy at the trailhead parking lot who was finishing as I arrived. He said it only took him three hours round trip. Jerk. It took me twice that long. I started around the same time as this weird group of twenty-something kids, probably closer to 20 than 29. They all resembled former high school Science Fair winners who also had minor roles in the Drama Club trying to meet more people. Minor roles. Like "second butler."  Nearly every one was wearing glasses (hey, losers, its 2012, get some lasik). This one stork-looking dude wore extremely tight, short biker pants and vibram footsies (or whatever they are), which made for a very unfortunate sight. His Blossom-looking girlfriend likewise wore the same. Basically it was like being with the Big Bang Theory cast. With similar-looking nerd girlfriends. I don't think it was some kind of live action role playing deal; they did seem like characters, but there wasn't a script as they kept talking about the things around them. One of them, who seemed like their leader, did seem like he had some modicum of swag. [Sidebar: I intend to incorporate the term "swag" into my speech patterns for the next few weeks, so the kids will think I'm cool. But not "bro"; "bro" is dead to me]. Or at least, he would have had something if he weren't wearing a painter's hat. They would hike for awhile, each one no doubt secretly wishing they were the Fellowship of the Ring, then stop, then restart, the whole time. This meant I was passing them, and they were passing me, and I was passing them, the whole time. This odd procession sort of resembled all those freaks in the "I Am the Walrus" scene in the Magical Mystery Tour. Whatever, hope they enjoyed the trip back to Cal Tech (what up, Terry?). Anyway, the Dome itself resembled Enchanted Rock. Just a huge granite outcropping, albeit white rather than pink. The top was very windy, making it imperative to stay a healthy distance from the edge. And to tighten my irreplaceable sweat stained "Texas Football" hiking hat.  Along the way back I detoured slightly to see the "Indian Rock," Yosemite's only natural arch. It didn't resemble the arches in Arches National Park, or in Roadrunner cartoons, though it did kind of look like the arch/time portal in that Star Trek episode where Kirk got together with peacenik Joan Collins. You know, where McCoy went temporarily insane and beamed down to the Planet of the Week, where everyone had gone back in time through this arch looking device, so Kirk and Spock went after him and met up with pre-Dynasty Joan Collins who ran a soup kitchen and campaigned against wars. Basically Jean Simmons' character in Guys and Dolls, but with more time travel and less Brando. Kirk spends well over 20 minutes seducing Joan, who made a valiant effort resisting the Captain (this is about 15 minutes longer than it usually takes him; really only the Fonz worked faster, on network TV at least), but its time well spent because we get to see Spock building a TV set from his tricorder, and watching TV even though they had gone to a time before there were any TV broadcasts. Sadly, Joan was nowhere near my arch.

[Yes, I realize the irony of calling a bunch of other people losers, while in the same paragraph providing a finely detailed summary of a Star Trek episode. I meant to do that.]

Today (well, now its yesterday) I intended to take a lower-intensity hike, consisting of the full, yet relatively flat, 13 mile Valley loop trail. This trail shows you everything along the Valley floor. It didn't disappoint from that perspective. The hike, which appears to follow some old roads leading in to the Valley, runs alongside all the famous Yosemite Valley features, offering extremely close up views: El Capitan, Cathedral Rocks, Cathedral Spires, Bridalveil Falls, Sentinel Dome, Taft Point. It also tracks the Merced River, which essentially runs right down the middle of the Valley. The River's cold, clear green water, flowing very gently over smooth river rock, made for some really nice views as well. Unfortunately, the river and various little tributary creeks leading from several falls to the river also attracted a lot of late summer flies bent on having me for lunch. They weren't too persistent or difficult though; everyone who grew up on the Gulf Coast has suffered a lot worse during mosquito season. Which basically is year round. Thanks new Houston mayor whose name I forget that decided to stop spraying mosquitoes so she could fund some other totally useless project that pleases her special interest buddies' agenda. Thanks for turning Houston into West Nile, Texas. Here, however, the flies kind of hover around and irritate you but don't seem to bite. The trees near the river banks were also quite attractive, including thick numbers of both mature and younger maples, whose leaves have yet to turn. What didn't work, however, was my right foot. Six days of constant hiking pretty much did in my little toe (you know, the piggy that went home, or to market, I guess it depends on which one you start with), and the thing has swelled up like a Vienna Sausage gone bad (err, "worse"). You wouldn't think your little toe could cause that much pain. Witness the Nihilists' girlfriend in the Big Lebowski who (spoiler alert) gives her little toe for the cause. But little toe pain can get pretty bad. The little toe, after all, forms the crucial bulwark of the outer "toe perimeter," or something, so jamming it inside relatively inflexible hiking boots all week tends to take its toll. So I was pretty much hobbling during most of the time like someone had shot my foot. Or it fell asleep while I was sitting at my desk. This made it a little difficult to appreciate all the amazing scenery. Go figure. I shut it down after about nine miles. Despite the thick crowds in the Village and at other bus stop sites, I didn't see more than 10 people on the entire trail the whole afternoon.

Tonight, for the first time since I arrived, I had a chance to enjoy the clear night sky. The moon has been rising steadily later each night, and tonight the moon didn't appear until quite late. Even with the lights around the Lodge, the sky was thick with stars. Even the Milky Way came out. That was a rare treat for someone who lives in the middle of a city.

OK, I think that about does it for Yosemite. Truly its God's Studio. The sights here simply marvel and amaze. You may go places that boast one thing more beautiful than something here, but I can't recall any place where almost every turn reveals unsurpassed natural beauty like Yosemite. Well, except Pasadena, of course. Nothing could be keener than to be in Pasadena.

Next-on to Monterey, California and the California Coast.