Contrarianism: Revisited Movie Classics

Maureen O'Hara

If there's anything I'm known for, its doing new things.

Uh, yeah.

But this year, I'm doing something new. Rather than attending the Jazz Festival, I'm going Hollywood. Specifically, I'm attending the Turner Classic Movies Classic Movie Festival.

Its held at several landmark Hollywood movie theatres, like the famous Graumann's Chinese Theatre and the Egyptian. They will screen dozens of classic movies, many restored, and many featuring interviews with actors or other people associated with the movie. The highlight, as far as I'm concerned, will be a restored Blazing Saddles, introduced by Mel Brooks. "I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille."  I hope to blog from the Festival, much as I've done when attending Jazz Fest. Hope you can follow along.

Meanwhile, to get some practice writing about movies, I wanted to bring up some classic movie issues that occasionally bother me. And which should bother you. These questions in no way ruin the movie. But its fair to ask these questions, at least years later. Mostly, I wonder about certain plot holes or implausibilities. It can ruin a movie for me if it shows something that could never happen. True, nearly every science fiction movie does this by definition. I mean, within the world where the story takes place, something that could never happen. Or makes so little sense given what we know about that world that it would never happen. Or something the character would never do (like When Harry Met Sally's orgasm scene. Prim, closed off, live by the rules Meg Ryan's character would never have faked an orgasm right smack in the middle of Katz's Deli during a crowded lunch rush).

Here's some examples.

Star Wars (the trilogy): For someone with the Force on his side, not to mention a light saber that he

Nice Kentucky move there, Luke

can effectively wield without even looking at the target, Luke Skywalker sure needs a lot of help to do practically anything. Han and Leia have to disarm the shield on Endor for him to even get at the second Death Star. In the first movie, he stands around on the Death Star all weepy about Obi Wan dying as his more level headed friends have to practically force him to get on the Millenium Falcon. Then he has to fly a tie-fighter as part of some huge formation that draws most of the enemy fire so he can get in his shot. Leia has to rescue him from the Cloud City at the end of Empire Strikes Back. Many Bothans "had" to die to get the stupid plans for the second Death Star, which, oh by the way, was exactly the same as the first Death Star they had already blown up. And in the end, he doesn't beat Darth Vader. Or the Emperor. His incessant yammering at Vader about how he knows Vader is good deep down, you know, like, after he's killed hundreds of thousands of people, obviously prompts Vader to shit can the Emperor just so Luke will shut up. Then, in the end, Lando Calrissian, flying that whale known as the Millenium Falcon, manages to bring down the second Death Star just like Luke had in the first movie, (without using the Force by the way).

Casablanca

Casablanca.  OK, Casablanca's the greatest movie ever made. But the script, compelling and fascinating in every way, only came together after shooting began. So the writers came up with the whole plot pretty much on the fly. As you recall, Victor Lazlo, hero of the Underground Resistance, was carting around his secret wife, Ingrid Bergman, all over Europe trying to get to America (ok, question right there, who exactly excused him from the fight? How does he get to go on an American vacation? Was the war over? Get back to Paris and keep blowing up trains, shirker). Along the way they land in Casablanca, and it turns out the only guy who can get them out of town is the guy that Bergman totally blew off the year before in Paris. Major oops! moment. And, spoiler alert, he gets them out of Casablanca because he has "letters of transit" signed by Gen. Weygand, which cannot be revoked or questioned. Contemporary audiences would have know that Maxine Weygand was Vichy France's National Defense Minister, and a collaborationist leader who deported Jews and others to concentration camps. Most of the movie, the Gestapo is running all over Casablanca hunting down those letters of transit, lest they fall into Lazlo's hands and he escape their clutches. So, let's get this straight. The Nazis blitzkrieged over most of Europe. They exterminated six million Jews. They started the Blitz over London and launched V-2 rockets later in the war just to kill civilians. They looted and plundered priceless art treasures. But, notwithstanding their usual ruthlessness and seeming disinterest in international law, the Nazis were going to let someone who was really good at paperwork punk them. Like Major Strasser was going to just look down, shake his head, and say "ahhh...you got me" if Lazlo showed up with the signed letters of transit. Hmmm...ok. At the end, Lazlo and Bergman head off to the plane without anyone official bothering to check their travel documents anyway. What, the pilot was going to verify their documents? Oh, ok. And another thing. Why does Lazlo take his wife along? Usually when you go off to war, you leave your untrained, non-military wives and family behind. You don't drag them along with you where they might wind up getting shot accidentally as the enemy comes after you.

The Way We Were. You know this story too. Ordinary, loudmouth nice Jewish girl Katie somehow intrigues rich WASP Robert "Hubble" Redford enough for him to marry her. Actually she date rapes him but that's not the point. He's all angsty about 25 years before that became acceptable, and just can't deal. Katie spends the whole movie fawning over him but that's not good enough. Though doting and loyal, she's annoying and preachy, always pushing him to write some novel that will sell exactly six copies, instead of making movies and writing TV scripts. Eventually, he gets sick of it and they divorce. But not until Katie finally gets pregnant. Rather than being a responsible father, Hubble leaves Katie with his baby. He totally takes a breeze, having nothing to do with his daughter. Who does he think he is, Dr. J? Way to keep it classy. And what was Hubble's problem exactly? Katie wanted him to write a novel? To protest against McCarthyism? Land sakes! A girl wanting to think? Streisand was ok looking back then. She was no Lois Chiles, obvs, but she was interesting at least. Besides, in the long shot at the end, we see the girl he did finally wind up with, and, well, Damn! That chick probably barks. Bad for the look, Hubble.

Your girl is lovely Hubble

 

Gone With the Wind: Yeah, ok, this one's full of questions. The happy go lucky slaves, who love picking cotton and fussing over the white folks' problems at Tara, the happiest place in the world not run by Disney. Rhett Butler, who doesn't do anything in the slightest bit to justify his reputation as a supposed bad ass. Like, maybe if he'd shot a Yankee or something. Hell, Scarlett was ten times the bad ass Rhett Butler was supposed to be. And most famously, why was she so hung up on stupid Ashley? He'd have been great hanging around the plantation on sleepy nights, but was utterly useless once the war ended. All he could do was split rails and not keep his hands off her when she wore her new bonnet around town. And she sure does her best Saul on the road to Damascus impression when, during about a 30 second span, she gives up her lifelong love for stupid Ashley and simultaneously realizes she really did love Rhett after all. Honestly, it was about 30 seconds. That's longer than it takes me to walk down a flight of stairs. Its like that scene had an NBA shot clock on it. Guess it takes a lot less time to totally reject the love of your life than I thought.

So that's pretty much the gist of it.

The Festival features some really incredible movies and I'm looking forward to catching the scene. The Goodbye Girl with Richard Dreyfuss introducing it. Bell, Book and Candle with Kim Novak appearing. Fiddler on the Roof, with director Norman Jewison. Oklahoma with Shirley Jones. Can't wait to spend day after day watching some of the greatest movies ever made, in the greatest movie theaters ever built. Follow along here!