Are You Living the #BallerLifestyle?

Living the #BallerLifestyle

Still ballin', until the day I die
You can bring your crew, but we remain true
--Tupac Shakur, "Still Ballin'"

I can’t hoop, but people still call me a baller,
and I can’t shoot, but people still call me a shot-caller.

--Slim Thug, "Dirty South"

Yeah, I'm into hard core rap now.

Are you living the #BallerLifestyle? How many times have I made some reference to being #Baller in my posts, either here or on Facebook or Twitter? If you're under 35, that probably makes some sense to you. But for the rest of you, who, uh, might not exactly fall into that particular demographic, you probably don't have a clue what this means. Well its time I drop some knowledge on you.

Living the #BallerLifestyle (# of course as a Twitter reference) essentially means you're a Baller. Uh, ok, self-referential. What does that mean?

A Baller makes decisions based on appearance, status, and impressing others than whether it makes any practical or logical sense.

Without going all linguistics professor on you, it comes from basketball. Guys say that a good player "can ball." Or call playing the game "balling." So a Baller originally was someone who was an incredible player. 

Then it took on the largesse of some of the top NBA stars, who have more money than they know what to do with. These are the guys who buy home acquariums and fill them with...sharks. Buy hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of jewelry and cars and clothes and private planes, for themselves and their posse, because who needs to save money? Ballers prowl clubs, and never pay for drinks because someone else is always buying. Ballers make incredibly poor investment choices. Ballers have all kinds of party friends. They live large, showing off their money and possessions. Like the protagonist in Carly Simon's "You're So Vain," Ballers are where they should be, all the time. They use the most up to date street language.

Anyway, Baller culture has become glorified in some circles. Mainly rap and the like. Similarly, its parodied as well, and this is what I really like. The awesome Baller Lifestyle Podcast, has become a weekly staple in my listening habits. There's a Baller Status web site, which details Ballers' comings and goings.

Who is a Baller?  Ballers include:

Hef

Hugh Hefner (possibly the greatest Baller of all time)
Lindsay Lohan (women can be Ballers, its just more difficult for them)
Tony Soprano (fictional characters can be Ballers)
Tony Montana (see above)
Floyd Mayweather
Alan Iverson
Donald Trump
Bill Clinton
Don Draper
Frank Sinatra
Michael Irvin
Johnny Manziel
Justin Timberlake (he's both "Alba'd" and "Biel'ed", is Fallon's favorite guest, and has straight up skillz on the court)


A serious #BallerMove

Kenny Powers
Dennis Rodman

What are some Baller moves?

• Negotiating the time and place you will "surrender" yourself to the authorities. Having your own scheduled appointment for your arrest is very #Baller
• Having your own bodyguards, but still carrying a loaded gun.
• Having a driver.
• Wearing dreamcycle colored suits, with about six buttons, while you sent at the end of the bench while on injured reserve
• Arriving at clubs with several women, and having your own roped off area.
• Flying in a private jet ("You know I keeps a private jet!")
• Sitting in the Owner's Box
• Playing in the High Roller's area at the Bellagio or the Wynn or Caesar's (Golden Nugget-off strip casinos aren't Baller)
• Parachute jumping on your 90th birthday
• Having a tattoo of your own face
• Wearing a fur coat...to your own felony drug trial
• Having 12 kids by eight women, and not remembering all their names
• Grabbing the mike from Taylor Swift at the Video Music Awards
• Telling your limo driver "you didn't see nothing" after you help out in a murder
• Marrying any Kardashian (after getting her knocked up, obvi)
• Face tattoo
• Buying your own semi
• Running up a $100,000 bar tab, one month before your sport locks out the players
• Hiring a shark keeper, for your pet sharks
• Having a temperature controlled, security protected, mirrored showroom for your 1,000+ sneaker collection
• Being single, and having a $60 million, 10 acre mansion
• Driving from Cleveland to NYC, starting in a Porsche, then en route buying a Bentley because you're tired of shifting gears
• Buying a $100,000 fish pond just before you go to jail for dogfighting
• Buying every seat on a Southwest flight so you can fly home alone

One question you may ask is, what's the difference between a douchebag and a Baller? I'd say a douchebag is a pretender. Someone trying to be #Baller, but utterly without game. Like, this young lady on the left, for example.

But a true #Baller has some swag. A #Baller carries #stackz. A #Baller goes #BIG. A #Baller pours one out for his boys. This guy here is a #Baller:





Bush 41

Do you think you may be a #Baller? Take this quiz and it may tell you.

Trick point. #Ballers don't take quizzes.

Obvs, I'm not a #Baller. Too much saving for retirement and planning for the future. Today I signed the latest version of my will. Not very #Baller.  Too few tattoos. Not enough bitches and hoes. No sharks. I eat a sensible breakfast every day and wear khakis. No #game.

But I try, in my own way. I try.

Next-It may be awhile. I'll check back soon.