My Calgary Dream Vacation Getaway

Calgary from Prince's Island Park

"Let's take an exotic vacation, to Calgary." Signed, "things no one has ever said."

But the firm was paying for me to travel there to attend a conference, conveniently held on a Friday morning. I decided to stick around the rest of the weekend. Here's the story of my Calgarian Adventure.

I'd been through Calgary before. Many of you may remember that I spent a few days in Banff many years ago. I flew into Calgary, rented a car, and drove the couple of hours to Banff. I didn't stop in Calgary at the time, and just saw it through my car windows. Back then, it reminded me of Lubbock, without the feedlot aroma. Flat, barren, basically on a grid street system. And so I expected not that much on this trip. Maybe a chance to get away from Texas summer temperatures, and snicker at the Canadian hoser accents.

But either my memory failed me, or Calgary has really come up through the years. Maybe some of both. It boasts a nice downtown with lots of greenery, numerous parks, several shopping/pedestrian areas, and a lot of outdoor activity. Its not exactly Paris, but neither is it the Lubbock of Canada.

Friday afternoon, I explored the downtown area. It features a surprising number of modern skyscrapers. Later, while walking along the Bay River's "Riverwalk," I would see 15-20 cranes, all putting up new downtown towers.  Piecing it together, Calgary is basically Canada's energy capital, and Canadian energy production is booming these days. Indeed, the reason the conference organizers selected Calgary is because one of the main sponsors, AltaLink, headquarters in Calgary. But beyond the skyscrapers, the city has somehow preserved many older 1800s and early 1900s buildings. Hudson's Bay department store represents a prime example. I was disappointed not to find an animal pelt section there.

Stephens Avenue
 

Downtown attractions include the Stephens Avenue pedestrian mall, a four or five block row of restaurants, bars, and trendy shops. Good people watching. The "mall" includes several old bank buildings, such as the old Bank of Montreal building. Calgary Tower also sits just one block south of Stephens Avenue. This private tower fulfills the same purpose as San Antonio's Tower of the Americas or Seattle's Space Needle: its for sightseeing. Its base houses a couple of shops and a Ruth's Chris Steak House, but otherwise, its for observation. I didn't go up. Turns out they only take reservations, and you have to call a day ahead, and blah blah blah. I wasn't in the mood to be that organized. So, pass. I checked out some other areas, including the Olympic Plaza, which sat next to the Theater Calgary (currently showing The Philadelphia Story), the Glenbow Museum, and the Telus Convention Center. A friend had recommended I check out the Glenbow, but I didn't have time. The large Plaza featured an natural amphitheater, with flowers and greenery throughout.

I walked further south, down to the 17th Avenue District. You can think of this as Calgary's Montrose area. Sort of. A lot more boho, with coffee shops, tattoo parlors, Chinese medicine places, kitsch stores, hemp stores, restaurants, and the like. No chains. The crowds here (yes, they had definitely jammed the bar patios by 3 p.m.--does any one actually work around here?) seemed much younger than back downtown. And grungier. Back in town, they were hitting happy hour early too, but that crowd looked like it was saving up for the new Audi. This crowd looked like it wondered if anyone would notice the rust build up on the old Forerunner. I stopped for a bit at the Waves Coffee House to rest, and enjoyed a iced red tea, of all things. I know, I know, that's really precious, right? But hey, it beats the Seattle Brand, you know? Hardwood floors and walls, dingy furniture, semi-suspicious employees...its like being on South Congress without the smug. 

Walking around Calgary, it didn't appear like that many tourists were on the prowl. Or they were Canadian tourists. Geez, what kind of crappy life do you live when you set out to take your vacation somewhere like Calgary? That's kind of like living in Conroe and taking your vacation in...The Woodlands. Which people actually do. Yet another reason why the Chinese are beating us, people. Anyway, I got the feeling I was catching typical Calgary on a Friday afternoon. The people looked sort of, not like models. I'm sure the winters really beat up the old complexion around here. But unlike say Wisconsin or Minnesota or the Dakotas, I didn't see any obese people. By sheer coincidence, I didn't see any Taco Bells or Burger Kings either. In fact, other than one McDonalds and one KFC, I can't remember seeing any fast food places. A couple of Subway sandwich places. These people must eat something other than brats, cheese, and beer. Or they ride their bikes. Or something. These Canadians also look really content. Really, very content. Kind of catatonic actually. Like they're all living in that Landru episode on Star Trek, where everyone spent the day aimlessly walking around like they'd had about 12 phenobarbital that morning, only to have the world turn into Charlie Sheen's New Year's party at night when the bell rang. Only the bell didn't ring here.

Lougheed House and Beaulieu Gardens

Walking back through the neighborhood between 17th Avenue and Downtown, I observed a dowdy mix of 1950s and 60s ranch houses, probably designed by Mike Brady as architecture school homework projects, and Leningrad-style block flats and towers. Remember all those scenes from the Kosovo and Bosnian Wars, with depressing Communist-era buildings getting shelled? That's kind of what this neighborhood resembled. Without the artillery shelling, of course. Or maybe just not as much. In short, if this is how real Canadians live, no thanks. Keep your socialized medicine and relatively scarce homelessness. It'd be nice to see something pretty every now and then, instead of this relentless shabbiness. I encountered one slight bright spot: Lougheed House. An 1890s homestead with nice gardens. Some real British fancy pants lived there (I don't have the patience to write the story) about 100 years ago. They kept up the gardens, and it looked like someone had rented the place for a wedding later that evening. I saw plenty of guys with three day beard growth in morning dress (ugh-appropriate only for an afternoon occasion guys, has no one ever watched a Fred Astaire movie up here, c'mon!). But nary a bride or bridesmaid were en scene. Soooooo...I guess that's how it is in their family. I also crossed through Memorial Park, a nicely laid out block-wide park originally honoring Calgary's "Great War" dead, and later the World War II and Korean soldiers who fell. Despite the shabby surroundings, the Park itself was quite lovely.

Calgary vs. Hamilton

That night, a client treated me and one of my partners to tickets to the CFL game between the Calgary Stampeders and the Hamilton Tiger Cats. CFL football may look like the American version, but they play with 12 men on the field, the field is about 10 yards wider and 10 yards longer, the end zone is 20 yards deep, and you only get three downs to make a first down. That means if you don't convert on 2nd down, you punt. This translates to much less rushing, and for me, makes CFL football almost seem like intramural rules. The offenses pass on nearly every play. I like watching more rushing than this. We arrived a couple hours early, and had a nice buffet dinner in the "Red and White Club," along with what turned out to be about half the stadium attendance. The Club was huge! They had some ridiculous cross-promotional program for awhile, then had the Ottawa vs. Montreal game on the big screen. The stadium itself, though apparently somewhat recently renovated, resembled a mid-level college stadium. Or one of the Texas high school superstadiums. Put it this way, the Odessa Permian stadium was bigger and nicer than this place. Still, the announced crowd of roughly 25,000 had an incredible time. They cheered loudly, everyone seemed to wear Stampeder jerseys and jackets, and they focused on every play. The game itself was a snoozefest. No one could move the ball. It went down to nearly the end. The Hamilton kicker hesitated on a bad hold, and aborted on the field goal try that would have won the game. But it was an incredible night out-perfect temperature. Basically it was like watching a Rice Owls game in late October. But with more people.

The next day I would start by paying devotion to a treasured Canadian institution: Tim Horton's. Its like a Dunkin' Donuts, only a little larger and more pervasive. Its their answer to Starbucks, though they have a more extensive menu. Its a donut store that expanded to other items. I had the oatmeal with "berries," or more accurately, artificial berry product. Because, #TeamHealth. 

I would devote the rest of the day to exploring the city further. Prince's Island Park occupies a spit of land in the Bay River running through town, just north of and bordering downtown. Home to walking paths, gardens, an outdoor theater (showing performances of Shakespeare's A Comedy of Errors), Calgarians were walking their dogs, enjoying picnics, feeding the ducks, jogging, bicycling...basically enjoying the fact that the Polar Vortex had gone away. Though I kept expecting the blizzard any minute the whole time I was there, because, the Great White North eh. The Park abuts right up against downtown, but you don't feel like you're in the middle of town because trees obscure much of the view and you can't hear a lot of city noise. All in all, the Park provides a really peaceful oasis. I imagine many office workers come here for lunch. Except, you know, when its not 10 degrees below zero. Like I imagine it is nine months out of the year.

Prince's Island Park

The Bow River contains the bluest water I've ever seen. It resembled beach photos from places like the Caymans or Fiji, with stunningly blue water. Guess that's what happens when you don't have paper plants or refineries up stream, huh? The city has installed bike and walking pathways on both banks, though they're paved (and accordingly inferior to the Lady Bird Lake Trail in every way). Not that many people had ventured out, despite the great weather. It was a sunny day, with a nice breeze. I spent at least a couple of hours out on the trail.

Kensington

At the farthest end, it leads to the Kensington neighborhood. In London, Kensington is where the richey rich live. Here, that's probably also the case. But Calgary's Kensington residents would probably be arrested on vagrancy charges if they showed up in the London Kensington district. Its that part of town where the (used) Volvo drivers live. Somewhat nicer homes. Gated streets. Tree canopy. Natural food grocery stores. Drive-thru banks. I stopped at a little place, Higher Ground Café, for an iced tea. Which they had to make by first brewing a small pot of tea, and then pouring it over ice. Because they're savages, lets just be blunt, k? But hey, shop local, amiright?  And there were more interesting looking people here than at the Starbuck's two doors down. Really, it was literally two doors down from another coffee shop. And thankfully, Starbucks didn't seem to be winning the local Coffee War.

Headed back the other way and back on the south bank, the "Riverwalk" provided some great river views. It passed alongside several construction projects and ultimately gave way to a makeshift faux "farmer's market/craft market" installation. Replete with luxury portable toilets and food trucks. Which for me is roughly the same thing, but I know no one else agrees so I'll let it go.

Fiestaval

As I headed back into town, I stumbled upon the "Latin Fiestaval" in the Olympic Plaza. This was a jumping party. The Plaza was packed, and one Latin act after another took the stage. Food trucks, vendors, and others crowded the Plaza. Lots of people danced, while others enjoyed the scene. It went on through the night. Who knew this many Latinos lived in Calgary?

From there, I went to Glenmore Park, south of town. Reputedly it had a great trail looping around Glenmore Reservoir, starting at a small marina. And for a few yards, the paved trail does provide a fantastic view of the city. Then, trees and other vegetation obscure the view. So it wound up being a trudge through a neighborhood park. Oh, and with signs everywhere that they had just applied pesticides so don't contact any plants or grasses. Nice.

Dinner was kind of non-descript. Ruth's Chris. Blah. Chain food.

NEXT-I spend the day in Banff