It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.
-Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
Men of sense, whatever you may choose to say, do not want silly wives.
-Jane Austen, Emma
My brother's recent wedding was quite the special occasion, lacking in neither elegance nor fun. I recently have also had a chance to observe in their native habitat (i.e. Kingwood) a great number of marrieds and their mysterious social rituals and habits. These have inspired me to contemplate the institution of marriage a great deal more lately. By that I mean, "why do people still get married?" Apologies in advance; apparently other blogs have covered this topic.
Marriage until about the 60s or so was as much of an economic relationship as a romantic one. Because women for the most part did not (or could not) work outside of the home, a woman needed a man to earn money to support her and the family. Women were viewed as not much more than property, to be passed from father to husband. An unmarried woman was a burden to her family, and at an early age, a woman knew she had to find a husband. Men had incentives for marriage as well. Sex and even inter-gender friendship outside marriage was widely discouraged. Men were not viewed as capable of raising or caring for children, so a wife was essential to keeping children in a man's life. The legal system and social values reinforced those considerations and promoted marriage. Women largely could not work in jobs that would allow them to support themselves, and could not obtain the necessary education to do so. Laws made it difficult for women to own their own property. Divorces were difficult to obtain, with a spouse needing to show "fault" and in most states, which had alimony and child support obliations, a husband could not rid himself of his marital economic responsibilities even if the marriage itself ended. Divorces were considered shameful. Men without families found it difficult to advance in professional careers without a family (which still persists to some extent in the military today). Divorce rates stayed below 2.5/1,000 people per year between 1900 and 1965.
Then things changed. Women began to realize greater economic resources, and to enjoy greater employment opportunities. No longer as dependent on men for economic support, women's economic motives to marry or to stay in unfulfilling marriages just for support dwindled (although in some respects, a woman's earning ability can in some instance enhance her attractiveness as a potential spouse). On other fronts, the pill and changing attitudes towards sex, as well as liberalization of divorce and child custody laws and declining social emphasis on marriage made it less necessary for men as well. People also began to live longer, and therefore had to endure unfulfilling marriages for a longer time. Sadly, these considerations also ushered in the dreaded Mr. Goodbar/Dancin' Fool era in the '70s. Divorce rates went from 2.5 per 1,000 in 1965 to a high of 5.1 in 1981. People also began waiting longer to get married, or decided instead to live together outside marriage. The divorce rate has gone down since. In 1990, the rate was 4.7, and in 2005 it was 3.6, which is very close to its 1970 level. The rate also diverges markedly based on education levels-people with college degrees appear to have a significantly lower divorce rate.
So without the same economic or social reasons to get married that historically motivated people to marry, why do so now? Here's some possibilities:
Having a partner makes daily life easier. On any number of levels. There's economies of scale to living with someone, from splitting the daily tasks, to having someone to cover for you, to reducing individual costs of living, and so forth. Also, there's a sort of combined earning power effect. The DINK phenomenon is real.
A long-term, committed, supportive relationship provides love and comfort. Or something insane like that.
Marriage makes child raising easier. There's someone around to watch the kids while the other one runs errands. And that way the kids will find it harder to gang up on you.
Its a world of couples. Married or not, all kinds of societies through time all over the world are based on couples and families. Solo practitioners like me have always been the exception, not the rule. The world is rife with what Whit Stillman would call "vicious pairing-off." Forming a more or less permanent bond makes for an easier ride socially.
Religious reasons.
Despite a lot of anectodotal evidence to the contrary, studies show marriage promotes having a satisfying sex life. Of course, the studies don't necessarily make clear whether this is all sex with one's spouse.
You live longer and better. Studies show married men live longer than non-marrieds. Married men and women alike realize increased health benefits.
On the other hand, studies are inconclusive about whether marriage promotes overall happiness.
And, divorce can lead to depression, lower income, and all kinds of other adverse effects.
So, even today, with changed economic circumstances, compelling reasons still exist to get married. Damn.
-Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
Men of sense, whatever you may choose to say, do not want silly wives.
-Jane Austen, Emma
My brother's recent wedding was quite the special occasion, lacking in neither elegance nor fun. I recently have also had a chance to observe in their native habitat (i.e. Kingwood) a great number of marrieds and their mysterious social rituals and habits. These have inspired me to contemplate the institution of marriage a great deal more lately. By that I mean, "why do people still get married?" Apologies in advance; apparently other blogs have covered this topic.
Marriage until about the 60s or so was as much of an economic relationship as a romantic one. Because women for the most part did not (or could not) work outside of the home, a woman needed a man to earn money to support her and the family. Women were viewed as not much more than property, to be passed from father to husband. An unmarried woman was a burden to her family, and at an early age, a woman knew she had to find a husband. Men had incentives for marriage as well. Sex and even inter-gender friendship outside marriage was widely discouraged. Men were not viewed as capable of raising or caring for children, so a wife was essential to keeping children in a man's life. The legal system and social values reinforced those considerations and promoted marriage. Women largely could not work in jobs that would allow them to support themselves, and could not obtain the necessary education to do so. Laws made it difficult for women to own their own property. Divorces were difficult to obtain, with a spouse needing to show "fault" and in most states, which had alimony and child support obliations, a husband could not rid himself of his marital economic responsibilities even if the marriage itself ended. Divorces were considered shameful. Men without families found it difficult to advance in professional careers without a family (which still persists to some extent in the military today). Divorce rates stayed below 2.5/1,000 people per year between 1900 and 1965.
Then things changed. Women began to realize greater economic resources, and to enjoy greater employment opportunities. No longer as dependent on men for economic support, women's economic motives to marry or to stay in unfulfilling marriages just for support dwindled (although in some respects, a woman's earning ability can in some instance enhance her attractiveness as a potential spouse). On other fronts, the pill and changing attitudes towards sex, as well as liberalization of divorce and child custody laws and declining social emphasis on marriage made it less necessary for men as well. People also began to live longer, and therefore had to endure unfulfilling marriages for a longer time. Sadly, these considerations also ushered in the dreaded Mr. Goodbar/Dancin' Fool era in the '70s. Divorce rates went from 2.5 per 1,000 in 1965 to a high of 5.1 in 1981. People also began waiting longer to get married, or decided instead to live together outside marriage. The divorce rate has gone down since. In 1990, the rate was 4.7, and in 2005 it was 3.6, which is very close to its 1970 level. The rate also diverges markedly based on education levels-people with college degrees appear to have a significantly lower divorce rate.
So without the same economic or social reasons to get married that historically motivated people to marry, why do so now? Here's some possibilities:
Having a partner makes daily life easier. On any number of levels. There's economies of scale to living with someone, from splitting the daily tasks, to having someone to cover for you, to reducing individual costs of living, and so forth. Also, there's a sort of combined earning power effect. The DINK phenomenon is real.
A long-term, committed, supportive relationship provides love and comfort. Or something insane like that.
Marriage makes child raising easier. There's someone around to watch the kids while the other one runs errands. And that way the kids will find it harder to gang up on you.
Its a world of couples. Married or not, all kinds of societies through time all over the world are based on couples and families. Solo practitioners like me have always been the exception, not the rule. The world is rife with what Whit Stillman would call "vicious pairing-off." Forming a more or less permanent bond makes for an easier ride socially.
Religious reasons.
Despite a lot of anectodotal evidence to the contrary, studies show marriage promotes having a satisfying sex life. Of course, the studies don't necessarily make clear whether this is all sex with one's spouse.
You live longer and better. Studies show married men live longer than non-marrieds. Married men and women alike realize increased health benefits.
On the other hand, studies are inconclusive about whether marriage promotes overall happiness.
And, divorce can lead to depression, lower income, and all kinds of other adverse effects.
So, even today, with changed economic circumstances, compelling reasons still exist to get married. Damn.
Cheers Steve and Lesley.
On the ongoing Laura Linney watch, she's on the cover of this month's Town and Country. She also has a new movie coming out next week-The Savages. Laura Linney is in everything. Not exactly sure why this has begun to bother me so much.
Col' got to be!
On the ongoing Laura Linney watch, she's on the cover of this month's Town and Country. She also has a new movie coming out next week-The Savages. Laura Linney is in everything. Not exactly sure why this has begun to bother me so much.
Col' got to be!
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