Ximinez: Now, old lady, you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly - two last chances. And you shall be free...three last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.
Dear Old Lady: I don't know what you're talking about.
Ximinez: Right! If that's the way you want it - Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions! (Biggles carries out this rather pathetic torture) Confess! Confess! Confess!
Biggles: It doesn't seem to be hurting her, my lord.
Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez: (angrily hurling away the cushions) Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang - fetch...the comfy chair!
Monty Python, "The Spanish Inquisition"
I was clerking for a federal judge during the time of the David Souter Supreme Court nomination hearings. As some of you may recall, there were at the time certain, shall we say, "suspicions" about Mr. Souter's personal predilections. Mind you, this was back before round-the-clock TMZ/Smoking Gun-style journalism, and in the cesspool that was Washington even then, this sort of stuff made those old Senate gasbags uncomfortable. My judge said "he ought to walk down the aisle at that confirmation hearing with a sheep, and just dare any of those people to say anything." I'm not exactly sure what he meant by that, but as usual drew my own conclusion, which was that sometimes its better just to get your issues out in the open and get the reaction behind you.
So with that in mind, I bring forward my very own sheep, and reveal to you those things I have long hidden from public view. Like Mao's Let a Hundred Flowers Bloom campaign, only less Chinese. Of course, Mao was just trying to get the dissidents to expose themselves after which he had them dissappear, so buyer beware.
I like Johnny Mathis. Always have. That scene in Diner where the guys debate whose music to play while making out, Sinatra or Mathis, unfortunately lost its relevance before I could make it to the party. In my defense, "Johnny Mathis' Greatest Hits" stayed on the charts longer than any album in history, even longer than "Dark Side of the Moon."
I watch more football than I used to, probably due to Texas' ascendancy during the Mack Brown era and the inception of the Houston Texans. Don't get me wrong, a good Steve Atwater-type kill-shot is the best part of the game. But I've noticed lately part of my renewed interest comes from a fascination with the complicated offenses and defenses used today. "Cover 2," "spread offense," "zone blitz," "five receiver set," etc. In other words, I like to watch the complicated motions on both sides of the ball. This is really just another way of saying, "choreography."
I like musicals. Sue me. Those few of you who've been to my house have seen my 50-year-old woman DVD collection. Its not pretty. Or rather, it is pretty.
I have read Playboy for the articles.
I have two degrees from the University of Texas, been Board Certified in Administrative Law, twice been considered for an appointment to an appellate judgeship, traveled to three continents, spoken at legal seminars, published articles in legal journals, seen Cary Grant in person, and shook the Governor of Texas' hand, and still have never laughed harder than at the Dalai Lama and Cinderella Story scenes in Caddyshack.
Generally I stay at home on Saturday nights. This was what Fonzie once referred to as "amateur night." This resumes an older practice, first begun when, although old enough to drive, I stayed at home most Saturday nights as Dad grilled hamburgers, and as a family we all watched Love Boat and Fantasy Island. Sadly, that's a true story.
My back room is covered in a mound of papers, books, cards, video tapes, wrapping paper, old magazines, and photos. Throw in a couple of bottles of turpentine and match, and my house would burn before I could untie my carpal tunnel syndrome wrist brace and make it out the door.
[See above resume], and, I relish every "that's what she said" opportunity and laugh to myself when I can say it. Damn you Michael Scott.
I'm a Trekkie. More the old show than the newer ones. I have kissed a girl by the way. If you think about it, the stories are pretty philosophical. My Jurisprudence professor in law school, who by the way now happens to be the President of the University of Texas at Austin, said you can learn a lot of jurisprudence watching Star Trek. There's four basic Star Trek plots-machines can't be trusted, humans have to be free, humans have to create, and discrimination and prejudice are evil. So many Trek episodes really speak to the human condition, when you get past the bad costumes and hoky dialog (Bones: "I'm a doctor not an escalator."). Oh, and don't forget all those ultra-hot 60s big hair chicks, like Teri Garr and Joan Collins, that Kirk threw down with. Tell me that's not more educationally rewarding than watching that nimrod Mario Lopez on Saved by the Bell.
Favorite woman on TV ever-Mary Tyler Moore.
I really like Gilmore Girls. This one hurt to give up, as I'm neither a 14 year old girl nor a 38 year old mom, which is why its toward the end. Now, I got started watching this show flipping channels when I happened to notice Lauren Graham, and basically couldn't make myself change the channel. Then after awhile I started paying attention to the dialogue. Turns out, it was for a long time about the wittiest dialogue I've ever heard-His Girl Friday or Bringing Up Baby good. A comedy geared toward teenage girls and their moms with an episode containing a Leslie Van Houten reference and which also slays RenFaire geeks? Multiple Godfather references. Patty Hearst/SLA references. "Butt napkins." "Let's not harbor any Pinteresque fantasies here, Rory." Norman Mailer guesting. Grant Lee Phillips as the Troubador. Sign me up.
I haven't read a book in over a year.
I thought Graceland was awesome and would kill to have my own jungle room.
I thought Paul Lynde was hilarious, especially on Hollywood Squares. "Peter Marshall: According to the old song, what's breaking up that old gang of mine? Paul Lynde: Anita Byant!"
I do not know how to make coffee or use a fax machine.
I still have all my old Led Zeppelin and Who posters from when I was 16. Any more complaints about my interior decorating style and up they go.
For that matter, I still have, and wear, some underwear dating back to high school. Hey, it still works, why throw it out? I know, I know.
Ok, I've got that out of the way, so I've got that going for me, which is nice.
Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez: (angrily hurling away the cushions) Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang - fetch...the comfy chair!
Monty Python, "The Spanish Inquisition"
I was clerking for a federal judge during the time of the David Souter Supreme Court nomination hearings. As some of you may recall, there were at the time certain, shall we say, "suspicions" about Mr. Souter's personal predilections. Mind you, this was back before round-the-clock TMZ/Smoking Gun-style journalism, and in the cesspool that was Washington even then, this sort of stuff made those old Senate gasbags uncomfortable. My judge said "he ought to walk down the aisle at that confirmation hearing with a sheep, and just dare any of those people to say anything." I'm not exactly sure what he meant by that, but as usual drew my own conclusion, which was that sometimes its better just to get your issues out in the open and get the reaction behind you.
So with that in mind, I bring forward my very own sheep, and reveal to you those things I have long hidden from public view. Like Mao's Let a Hundred Flowers Bloom campaign, only less Chinese. Of course, Mao was just trying to get the dissidents to expose themselves after which he had them dissappear, so buyer beware.
I like Johnny Mathis. Always have. That scene in Diner where the guys debate whose music to play while making out, Sinatra or Mathis, unfortunately lost its relevance before I could make it to the party. In my defense, "Johnny Mathis' Greatest Hits" stayed on the charts longer than any album in history, even longer than "Dark Side of the Moon."
I watch more football than I used to, probably due to Texas' ascendancy during the Mack Brown era and the inception of the Houston Texans. Don't get me wrong, a good Steve Atwater-type kill-shot is the best part of the game. But I've noticed lately part of my renewed interest comes from a fascination with the complicated offenses and defenses used today. "Cover 2," "spread offense," "zone blitz," "five receiver set," etc. In other words, I like to watch the complicated motions on both sides of the ball. This is really just another way of saying, "choreography."
I like musicals. Sue me. Those few of you who've been to my house have seen my 50-year-old woman DVD collection. Its not pretty. Or rather, it is pretty.
I have read Playboy for the articles.
I have two degrees from the University of Texas, been Board Certified in Administrative Law, twice been considered for an appointment to an appellate judgeship, traveled to three continents, spoken at legal seminars, published articles in legal journals, seen Cary Grant in person, and shook the Governor of Texas' hand, and still have never laughed harder than at the Dalai Lama and Cinderella Story scenes in Caddyshack.
Generally I stay at home on Saturday nights. This was what Fonzie once referred to as "amateur night." This resumes an older practice, first begun when, although old enough to drive, I stayed at home most Saturday nights as Dad grilled hamburgers, and as a family we all watched Love Boat and Fantasy Island. Sadly, that's a true story.
My back room is covered in a mound of papers, books, cards, video tapes, wrapping paper, old magazines, and photos. Throw in a couple of bottles of turpentine and match, and my house would burn before I could untie my carpal tunnel syndrome wrist brace and make it out the door.
[See above resume], and, I relish every "that's what she said" opportunity and laugh to myself when I can say it. Damn you Michael Scott.
I'm a Trekkie. More the old show than the newer ones. I have kissed a girl by the way. If you think about it, the stories are pretty philosophical. My Jurisprudence professor in law school, who by the way now happens to be the President of the University of Texas at Austin, said you can learn a lot of jurisprudence watching Star Trek. There's four basic Star Trek plots-machines can't be trusted, humans have to be free, humans have to create, and discrimination and prejudice are evil. So many Trek episodes really speak to the human condition, when you get past the bad costumes and hoky dialog (Bones: "I'm a doctor not an escalator."). Oh, and don't forget all those ultra-hot 60s big hair chicks, like Teri Garr and Joan Collins, that Kirk threw down with. Tell me that's not more educationally rewarding than watching that nimrod Mario Lopez on Saved by the Bell.
Favorite woman on TV ever-Mary Tyler Moore.
I really like Gilmore Girls. This one hurt to give up, as I'm neither a 14 year old girl nor a 38 year old mom, which is why its toward the end. Now, I got started watching this show flipping channels when I happened to notice Lauren Graham, and basically couldn't make myself change the channel. Then after awhile I started paying attention to the dialogue. Turns out, it was for a long time about the wittiest dialogue I've ever heard-His Girl Friday or Bringing Up Baby good. A comedy geared toward teenage girls and their moms with an episode containing a Leslie Van Houten reference and which also slays RenFaire geeks? Multiple Godfather references. Patty Hearst/SLA references. "Butt napkins." "Let's not harbor any Pinteresque fantasies here, Rory." Norman Mailer guesting. Grant Lee Phillips as the Troubador. Sign me up.
I haven't read a book in over a year.
I thought Graceland was awesome and would kill to have my own jungle room.
I thought Paul Lynde was hilarious, especially on Hollywood Squares. "Peter Marshall: According to the old song, what's breaking up that old gang of mine? Paul Lynde: Anita Byant!"
I do not know how to make coffee or use a fax machine.
I still have all my old Led Zeppelin and Who posters from when I was 16. Any more complaints about my interior decorating style and up they go.
For that matter, I still have, and wear, some underwear dating back to high school. Hey, it still works, why throw it out? I know, I know.
Ok, I've got that out of the way, so I've got that going for me, which is nice.
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