My Dream Meal

Paris When It Sizzles

Richard: To begin, we'll have paper-thin
slices of prosciutto ham
wrapped carefully around well-ripened
sections of Persian melon.

 To follow, a touch of Dover sole sautéed lightly
in champagne and butter. With that, a bottle of...

 

Gabrielle: Pouilly-Fuissé?

 

Richard: The '59 will do. And after that......we'll have a Chateaubriand for two. Erm, make that for four. Charred and brown. Nay, black on the outside
and gloriously rare on the inside!

With the beef, we'll have white asparagus and a bottle of
Château Lafite Rothschild '47.

 And for dessert, an enormous order
of fraises des bois...

 

Gabrielle: Served, of course,
with globs of heavy cream so thick you can put it on with
a shovel, s'il vous plaît. Mwah!

 

--The menu scene from Paris When It Sizzles. 

Now, that's a meal! Especially when had with William Holden and Audrey Hepburn. Serendipitous indeed.

As usual, the Captain thinks nothing but happy thoughts and only sees sunny skies. So, last week as I thought about my New Year's Eve meal, I began to think about the "Last Meal'  in prison. Because, you know, that's how I think. Did you know you can't just order anything you want for your last meal before your execution. Yeah, me and my brother Steve took an official tour of the Huntsville prisons in the late 80s, including the Death Row. Only visiting, of course! They said they do give condemned prisoners the opportunity to have a last meal just before their execution. And they can have whatever they want, provided, they have it in the prison cafeteria. So you can't stave off execution by ordering some elaborate, exotic meal that would take them three weeks to assemble and prepare. You know, like ordering some kind of caviar taken from salmon in one particular stream in Kazakhstan, watercress grown on the slopes of active Japanese volcanoes, killer whale meat (see what I did there, "killer whale," 'cause its a killer's last meal? Ah...I slay me [there it is again!]).

What was I talking about?

Oh yeah. What's your dream meal?

I've gone to so many great restaurants over the past years it set me thinking, what would be the perfect meal? What would you want to eat for the ultimate dining experience? Think of it as your last meal, or the most special meal you'll ever have. What would you want to eat?

That really raises several definitional questions, all going to what makes up a great meal. Do you only worry about the food itself, or do the context and atmosphere matter? Must the ideal meal occur in the ideal location? Served by anyone in particular? Does the wine or drink count? And are we talking about an entire meal, or just the best dish in each particular phase of a meal, such that each course has to complement the overall meal?

Or would chicken and waffles be great if served by Victoria Secret models at Le Fancee Pantalones?

First question is "fine" or "fun"? Do you want some elegant, elaborate meal, with rare servings? Or do you just want the best "normal food" you can find? Like the best pizza or BBQ or chicken fried steak you can find? Or would you assemble a bunch of exotic foods? Pheasant. Foraged truffles. Wagyu beef.

 

You also must decide whether any particular setting must exist to facilitate the "perfect meal." Can you have a great meal in a dump? Would Kobe beef and Lafite Rothschild be all that great served in a truck stop outside Ardmore, Oklahoma? With plastic knives and forks? Or must you dine in an elegant setting? If the latter, not to take this too far, but what kind of décor would suffice? Remember in Sideways, as Paul Giammatti left his friend's wedding when he became upset about seeing his ex-wife pregnant with her first child? He goes to some disgusting burger joint with the 1961 Chateau Cheval Blanc that Virginia Madsen referenced as she tried to seduce him (unsuccessfully, proving his character a complete basket case), and proceeds to drink it (from a Styrofoam cup no less, savage) while eating a burger. Nothing else needed but the wine. Thus proving the line from the film, "the day you can open a '61 Cheval Blanc--that's a special occasion."

BTW, Virginia Madsen....#bigfan.

You must consider the company. Or as Jane Austen put it, "Company, company, where would we be without company?" Can you enjoy the "perfect meal" alone? Or with your favorite person or significant other? Or perhaps at a great feast with intriguing people who provide stimulating conversation? In other words, does it have to turn into My Dinner With Andre or every episode of Downton Abbey before you can call it the perfect meal?

And what about the costumes? Assuming all you friend-havers would want to surround yourselves with your equals for your own perfect meal, what would you wear? Something no doubt suitable to the setting. Or, I'm not sure. Maybe its just because I live in Austin, but I see people dragging in to the most elegant restaurants and other settings these days wearing rags not too much more sophisticated than ratty jeans and an old Molly Hatchet t-shirt. So if you insist on dressing like, you know, adults, you probably need to tell people that. Even then they'd probably blow you off.

Me? Everyone knows I'm a #baller. So yeah, gotta have the finest food, elegant surroundings, professional servers, and interesting and witty conversation.

Some other necessities:

I like the French Laundry/Per Se approach of an insanely high number of courses. I think at French Laundry we had a 10 course set meal, each course combined just two or three flavors to perfection, and each course led perfectly to the next. So, to answer an earlier question, yes the whole perfect meal should be greater than the sum of the parts. Or something.

Ambiance matters. Whether its the truck stop or Le Fancee Pantalones, order should prevail. No screaming kids running all over the place. No screaming adults running around either. Cleanliness. No tattered tablecloths, napkins, dirty silverware, lipstick on glasses, or chipped china. Appropriate dress standards please. Taste, charm, warmth, suitable light (not glaring, yet not pitch black). And please keep the noise down. I don't want to eat in an LAX maintenance hangar. All these things enhance the meal. Whether its high end or low budget.

So, stop putting it off. What would you have for dinner?

It would be on an outdoor terrace at or near the Hill Country (though not during cedar season, obvs). Sometime in late April or May. Warmish but not yet sticky. Semi-well lit, not candlelight or floodlights.

A few close friends, or otherwise interesting people, would attend. Three to four, tops. Conversation would rule the night. And people had best step it up and bring their conversation A game. No "would you eat someone to survive if you were in a plane crash in the Andes" talk. That's so played.

Music, but not loud. Classic jazz. Let's start with Coltrane.

Exceptionally chilled champagne served at the outset. Preferably a rose variety. How about the Veuve Clicquot Rose?

Four courses (oh, and this in fantasy land where gluten doesn't rip up my stomach):

1. Spinach, goat cheese, Texas pecan, blood orange, and strawberry salad.

2. Cajun gumbo, with a deep smoky tasting roux, with oysters, crawfish, and crab, all fresh out of Louisiana waters, paired with brown rice.

3. Italian veal osso buco with Kimberly's meatballs on the side. I guess we need some vegetables, about which I'm rather selective (begone with you, Brussels sprouts!). Normally you'd go with a risotto, but we just had brown rice with the gumbo. How about some polenta and haricot verts?

4. Commander's Palace Creole Bread Pudding Souffle (with whiskey sauce).

Followed by a really good port, which someone would have to pick out for me due to my not knowing spirits, as Gerald O'Hara would put it.

So there you go. The ultimate Chris Reeder dinner. Which will never happen until I start making hella jack. So for now it will remain iced tea and barbecue. But you can always dream...yuuuuuuummmmm....